Ponderings of love and other thoughts

It’s been awhile, in that window days have gone by, and life has dragged and has been swift. My birthday came and passed by, I am a year older. To a new year of graces and mercies and to everything that bears the breath of heaven!

Lately, my heart has been lurking on “our oneness with God”, I am not sure I can articulate these ponderings yet. You know when you incubate something in your depths that only your heart seems to comprehend yet you really want it to bridge your mind so that you can be able to name it, explain it or describe it.

I have been quietly listening to my heart and been slowly trying to understand how the love of God morphs in our heart. How He moves, dwells, captivates, betroths and makes us one with Him.

I have traveled back to the time I got saved, when I heard Him speak to me so clearly yet inaudibly, no one told me it was Him, I just knew… and since then I got acquainted to a love I never thought possible, He has let me feel the pounding of His heart, I have dwelt there, and in Him I have found “completeness”, “wholeness”   I have tasted His love, fallen in it, tested it, interacted with and proved it…It has been more than I can comprehend.

I am compelled to believe God’s heart beats with every one of His, and when we hurt He hurts too. Our oneness with Him subscribes Him to our hurts and pain.

Most of the pain God allows is for our chastening, and chastening dispels and cuts off the degree of our human weakness [pride, selfishness, greed, vanity, unfaithfulness…….] to create space for more of Him, that He may dwell richly in us. So, if you’re being chastened, don’t be disheartened. Take courage, He’s with you! He’ll never leave you nor forsake you.

probably you’re reading this and have never experienced His love, or you’ve searched for love in the wrong places may God’s love find you.I sought love in the wrong places for so long, for so long I felt hollow until God’s mercies reached me.

I have in the past been that wrong place, I have treaded on hearts without care and wounded some badly, and for this I pray to be forgiven as I have forgiven.

If you would like to share your story with me, please email: preciouswanjiru@gmail.com. or write on the comment box below

Now, here is one of my favorite songs. Hope it blesses you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

tick-tock-tick-tock!

Tick tock tick tock!

Looking forward to 28th of May but at the same time I feel abit anxious.

How did years fly this fast, how did the years speed close to my 27th year?

This morning I had to keep reminding myself of my last post. That when a need presses hard on my heart, I will make hard stops for prayer, I will verbalize my needs to GOD. I realized I can’t carry the weight of my world and live, there are things that I just can’t handle on my own and I have learnt to be meek enough to take them at His feet.

When I heard the enemy’s whispers of how far off I am  from my dreams, I reminded myself the promises God has spoken over my life. The very words my Father whispered to me when I didn’t know how to hope again. God is not man that He should lie, He is God, the holy one of Israel who looks to His word to perform it.It is He who said;

“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.10″For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, And do not return there without watering the earth And making it bear and sprout, And furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater; 11So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth; It will not return to Me empty, Without accomplishing what I desire, And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.Isaiah 55:10

I will hold on to His word and promises over my life, I will speak His word over my life over and over again until it becomes one with me, until I become one with His word. And of His word He says:

“keep my words And treasure my commandments within you. 2Keep my commandments and live, And my teaching as the apple of your eye. 3Bind them on your fingers; Write them on the tablet of your heart. Proverbs 7:2

I have stickers all over my bedroom of His RHEMA word, because His word gives me life, sustains me,  replenishes me, edifies me and builds me up.

So, my birthday is almost here, and I will take my notebook and pen and write down all of His gifts, I will chronicle His mercies, His goodness over my life, I will write all that I am grateful for. He has been more than gracious.

To my FATHER, who intricately wrought me in my mother’s womb, I love YOU more than any advancement I can make in life, than any gift You can give me, I love You than life itself. Thank you for 26th year and I pray for a 27th full of You!

Beloved daughter!

Got my mind made up!

He is more than an answered prayer;

I have had my mind made up that every time a need presses hard on my heart, I will stop and whisper a prayer to the God of universe, of the stars, the sun, the angels and the things we see and things we see not. Faith is better than doubt, and saying a prayer is faith, and it calls in rest. I have injured, wounded and squeezed my heart out of life by worrying. Worry kills slowly, takes life slowly and Christ died once for us to have life, and that life is brought by humble submission to His word, and Stops of prayer to surrender what we can’t handle, what only He can do.

I have offered prayers, there are certain petitions I have repeatedly made known to Him, and I will keep praying, and this grows my faith. I don’t know how long it will take for God to answer but even if it takes longer than pleasant or comfortable, God is more than an answered prayer. He is the Father of all creation; He is the holy God who cleanses me clean even when my sins stink high, He is the God who ignites my heart and puts it on fire with His love. He is the God who whispers comfort in my depths when no one else can comfort me or heal my woundedness, He is the great I AM , who was and is to come. He is God who gave up His son to pave my way to His bosom, my resting place…I am totally satisfied in Him.

I have also made up my mind to drown and suffocate the voice of the enemy, to keep weeding off that faith may sprout and blossom I have made up my mind about what I am going to do and not do. However, I am only human and I have left provision that if my legs would steer off to the wrong path that my Father may hasten to guide me back.

Say a ,and not doubt,

Say it again when doubt knocks

Pray and wade off despair

Pray even with your heart, till strength comes back

Pray even more fervently

This is faith, and faith pleases the Father.

The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. James 5:16

 

Grace for the road!

The power of resurrection

One of the things that puzzle me next to the complexities of the brain is the working power of God in us.

Now, I have been hearing these words everywhere “HE IS RISEN” I have not uttered them myself, and if I have it must have been a slip of the tongue, thinking out loud or just unmindful chatter. Those words feel too powerful, too sacred and too holy, like I should either say them with power or not say them at all.

These words are falling deeper in my soul, edging deeper and deeper cutting through the dead things in me, going yet deeper to the long lost and dead dreams, and even deeper to the scars of my unbelief, to the places not yet totally His.

“HE IS RISEN”

I feel this  power of resurrection curl strongly in my depths, like it wants to wrap around my core being and bring me even to more life, to more of Christ, to His abundance.

“HE IS RISEN”

And the power at work in me is the same power that raised JESUS from the dead. It’s at work, and it shall work and prevail as Christ and my Father wills.

“HE IS RISEN”

And my prayer is this:

Philippians 3:10 Amplified Bible (AMP) 10

[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection

 

I would like you to meet____

 

 

Meet Miss please keep off!

This could be your friend as she is mine……..

She’s quiet and reserved, she’s the type who looks desolate, melancholy and lost, but when you engage her you find there’s a beauty unexplored and days of sunshine that should have been and could be. She’s been hurt by life and walks guarded, speaks guarded and hugs shielded. In this seemingly dark and gloomy heart, lays a flower that can blossom if the sun would touch it with its gentle golden rays.

In this shattered heart I know a man has been there, she has loved, compromised and has been hurt

Her walls are unfortified, all pillars lay low, she walks shattered, sleeps shattered and lives shattered

God has looked at her, bled for her but she has not trusted enough to even let Him heal her

This saddens me and I say a prayer for her.

 

>>>>>

Miss sunshine,

and you would never guess the girl that lights up everyone could be this one……….

This one would shine and refresh like the morning sun, she can light up the world, she can rise up and be an icon. She’s a star and she knows it, she’s not yet been or seen her glory. She has lived in both worlds; of gloom and shine, although she belongs to one more than the other.

Her life has not been perfect; there was a dad who abused her, who crawled into her bed and broke more than her hymen. Since then she has struggled to rise up and sit on her esteemed seat, this dad keeps pulling her down with what he made her that night, what he said to her without even speaking

when she fought him hard and all her strength got lost within his mighty arms, she learnt how to surrender, she learnt how to be vulnerable and weak, she learnt all that would keep  her crying in a dark corner when the world would demand her to rise up and take her place.

 

Please give me the sun or the cloud but not both

The air is saturated with so much: soo good, soo bad
All that is strong, all that is fragile
Ever got caught between ecstatic joy and a distant sense of grief?
Caught between hope and despair and you’re not sure which will win the day?
Will faith stick out of the sand ?

……
A friend loved and cherished becomes distant and cruel
And in sequence other friendships become richer
So, it feels like wedding on a sick bed
Or cloud on a sunny day

……
Deep hungers roar, they had been there, I had ignored them and now they are demanding my attention like monsters seeking a kill
Gosh, why now? When the peace was almost perfect, when harmony had wrapped around my rhythm
I ask questions, I ask my sensible self, I ask God, I ask Google
These questions have carved around my mind, my emotions and everything else that is me that even when am not asking, they seek expression in my body language and the works of my hands
So I think it’s better to be blue or yellow but not both

……..
When they happen at the same time, it feels like mockery, they bring about the potential of sorrow and joy without letting you really feel or live long enough in any
In my circles I have friends exchanging vows soon, can’t wait! and another has lost her dad and from this I know we have to accommodate both joys and blues even when they are parallel. We will grieve and bury,vows will be exchanged and we will slip into our dancing shoes,  make merry and be happy.

Christ-like?

Since morning this question has had a grip on me “what is salvation?”

I tell God severally I want to be His mouthpiece, His hands and His feet, I want to carry His love, and embrace the ones He would like to embrace.

I want to light up my candle and seek dark places and corners to light.

But how would this look practically?

How would it look in action?

How would I incorporate this in my daily life?

If then Jesus laid out the path, am I following His path or have I detoured?

If Jesus would walk with me along Central park as I go to work every day, what would He do or say to the street families that shelter in the cold here?

I walk along this path every morning, the sight of the street families bother me and leave a powerlessness kind of vulnerability within that I am unable to look at them. I can’t comprehend street life and I suppress any need to understand, how can someone who has always had a roof over her head, hot meals and hot baths understand such lack. That’s why I suppress any need to comprehend because my heart aches already.

I repeat this daily. I strut in, see them, I feel deep sympathy and I refuse to feel broken. I say a prayer for them, walk past them and I feel justified that I have done something-I have prayed.

As soon as they are behind me the sun rises on me again and I walk either singing jolly and musing after the breathtaking yellow flowers just around the corner or I get deep buried under my own troubles and sorrows.

How did I, you, us learn to be so numb, so blind, so apathetic in being Christ-like? But again, it could be their case looks too helpless, we’ve grown up seeing them on the streets and that has been their place.

Sorry, I don’t mean to bash you or myself either. I understand this might be uncomfortable to look at and I admit it has been for me but could we look at it?

Could we muster the courage to listen to their stories?Because I know listening is akin to caring

Could we allow ourselves to feel what they have been deadening with glue and drugs?

Could we allow ourselves to ache for them and even go on our knees asking Him for strategies and ideas to alleviate their suffering?

Jesus, if you walked with me along this road, would you walk past them? What would You say to them?