Got my mind made up!

He is more than an answered prayer;

I have had my mind made up that every time a need presses hard on my heart, I will stop and whisper a prayer to the God of universe, of the stars, the sun, the angels and the things we see and things we see not. Faith is better than doubt, and saying a prayer is faith, and it calls in rest. I have injured, wounded and squeezed my heart out of life by worrying. Worry kills slowly, takes life slowly and Christ died once for us to have life, and that life is brought by humble submission to His word, and Stops of prayer to surrender what we can’t handle, what only He can do.

I have offered prayers, there are certain petitions I have repeatedly made known to Him, and I will keep praying, and this grows my faith. I don’t know how long it will take for God to answer but even if it takes longer than pleasant or comfortable, God is more than an answered prayer. He is the Father of all creation; He is the holy God who cleanses me clean even when my sins stink high, He is the God who ignites my heart and puts it on fire with His love. He is the God who whispers comfort in my depths when no one else can comfort me or heal my woundedness, He is the great I AM , who was and is to come. He is God who gave up His son to pave my way to His bosom, my resting place…I am totally satisfied in Him.

I have also made up my mind to drown and suffocate the voice of the enemy, to keep weeding off that faith may sprout and blossom I have made up my mind about what I am going to do and not do. However, I am only human and I have left provision that if my legs would steer off to the wrong path that my Father may hasten to guide me back.

Say a ,and not doubt,

Say it again when doubt knocks

Pray and wade off despair

Pray even with your heart, till strength comes back

Pray even more fervently

This is faith, and faith pleases the Father.

The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. James 5:16

 

Grace for the road!

The power of resurrection

One of the things that puzzle me next to the complexities of the brain is the working power of God in us.

Now, I have been hearing these words everywhere “HE IS RISEN” I have not uttered them myself, and if I have it must have been a slip of the tongue, thinking out loud or just unmindful chatter. Those words feel too powerful, too sacred and too holy, like I should either say them with power or not say them at all.

These words are falling deeper in my soul, edging deeper and deeper cutting through the dead things in me, going yet deeper to the long lost and dead dreams, and even deeper to the scars of my unbelief, to the places not yet totally His.

“HE IS RISEN”

I feel this  power of resurrection curl strongly in my depths, like it wants to wrap around my core being and bring me even to more life, to more of Christ, to His abundance.

“HE IS RISEN”

And the power at work in me is the same power that raised JESUS from the dead. It’s at work, and it shall work and prevail as Christ and my Father wills.

“HE IS RISEN”

And my prayer is this:

Philippians 3:10 Amplified Bible (AMP) 10

[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection

 

Christ-like?

Since morning this question has had a grip on me “what is salvation?”

I tell God severally I want to be His mouthpiece, His hands and His feet, I want to carry His love, and embrace the ones He would like to embrace.

I want to light up my candle and seek dark places and corners to light.

But how would this look practically?

How would it look in action?

How would I incorporate this in my daily life?

If then Jesus laid out the path, am I following His path or have I detoured?

If Jesus would walk with me along Central park as I go to work every day, what would He do or say to the street families that shelter in the cold here?

I walk along this path every morning, the sight of the street families bother me and leave a powerlessness kind of vulnerability within that I am unable to look at them. I can’t comprehend street life and I suppress any need to understand, how can someone who has always had a roof over her head, hot meals and hot baths understand such lack. That’s why I suppress any need to comprehend because my heart aches already.

I repeat this daily. I strut in, see them, I feel deep sympathy and I refuse to feel broken. I say a prayer for them, walk past them and I feel justified that I have done something-I have prayed.

As soon as they are behind me the sun rises on me again and I walk either singing jolly and musing after the breathtaking yellow flowers just around the corner or I get deep buried under my own troubles and sorrows.

How did I, you, us learn to be so numb, so blind, so apathetic in being Christ-like? But again, it could be their case looks too helpless, we’ve grown up seeing them on the streets and that has been their place.

Sorry, I don’t mean to bash you or myself either. I understand this might be uncomfortable to look at and I admit it has been for me but could we look at it?

Could we muster the courage to listen to their stories?Because I know listening is akin to caring

Could we allow ourselves to feel what they have been deadening with glue and drugs?

Could we allow ourselves to ache for them and even go on our knees asking Him for strategies and ideas to alleviate their suffering?

Jesus, if you walked with me along this road, would you walk past them? What would You say to them?

 

Ascending the mountain of the Lord

Who shall ascend the mountain of the Lord?

And who shall stand in His holy place?

Psalms 24:3

Its only day 2 of deliberately seeking God and the things He’s doing only tell me He has been waiting on me. I have attempted similar pursuits before and every time the Lord makes them memorable. Each has been unique and each has propelled me higher spiritually. .and for these wonderful experiences, I thank God. It is by His grace and His grace alone! So, who shall ascend the mountain of the Lord? Who shall stand in His Holy place?

Psalm 24:3

I kick start this with David’s prayer in psalms 139. 23.

Search me, O God, and know my heart

Try me and know my thoughts

And see if there be any wicked way in me

And lead me in the way everlasting

I have never climbed a (physical) mountain and I hope before the year ends, I can bring my friends together and do a hike, but one thing I know for sure, you cannot travel heavy and keep a good pace. Anything weighing heavily on me had and has to go! And as I drop the weights, I feel God take me higher in Him. This is just day 2, I am excited about this journey, am expectant and I know each and every one of these He has already written in His book

Thy eyes beheld my unformed substance

In Thy book were written everyone of them

The days that were formed for me

When as yet there was none of them

Psalms 139:16

Seeking God

Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is nothing upon the earth that I desire besides You
My flesh and heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Psalms 73:25-26

It was a time of worship in my church, eyes closed , hands raised and heart reaching towards God. I was hungry and needy, I needed more of Him. It was those times you know that you know if God gave you everything you desire or even placed the world in your hands, you would feel short changed if He withdrew from you. He is my inner most and my greatest desire and nothing else will do! So, as I worshiped, I remembered reading from this lady who had gone to Katoloni prayer center and on the 7th day, the Lord visited her. That story was too beautiful to say the least and it did more than impress beauty, it aroused a deeper aching for God.

And in the midst of worship and my inner dialogue His gentle soft voice fell on my heart, not audible but unmissable. It fell strongly in my heart and I was reminded, “If you seek me diligently, you will find me” “I am a rewarder of those who diligently seek me” “Take one step towards me and I will take many towards you” and that was an invite I had to take.
[Day one of ascending the mountain of God]
I know that I am going to do this, by His grace and by His grace alone. And I know it’s going to be beautiful. Every time I set apart my time to seek His face, He always makes it memorable.

So, for you aching for more of Him, let’s journey together and share if we may.

When we fast, we say to God, “more than our stomachs want food, our souls want You!”
“The weakness for our hunger for God is not because He is unsavory, but because we keep ourselves stuffed with other things”

“Endless nibbling at the table of the world dulls our hunger for God”

Visit Desiring God Website to get a free copy of the book “A hunger for God” and many others by the same author.

God bless you as you seek Him!

Shedding skin

The last couple of years have been years of shedding skin,and stripping that which makes me skewed. There are times He stripped me off and I rushed to the bin and picked up the tatters and sew together another covering. I know He looked at me, took pity and He let me be because how do you strip off your young one who’s wailing and scared and trying to hide her nakedness with the last tatters of her garments? How do you look at her tears stained face, her eyes that take you to her shattered and desolate heart and take her only security? The only thing I clung on to was my covering, it was tattered but at least it covered my nakedness.

Clothed in sin, insecurities, fears, pride, vanity and layers of hurts that had become a warm covering, I felt it was cruel that He would uncover me, it was unkind of Him to expose my nakedness and it hurt and I couldn’t believe He even did it out of love No, I don’t understand tough love, I can’t comprehend it and I don’t favor it. I mean how could I even look at Him as a Father, He was just God and He had to get His way.

But the strangest thing happened; deep in my spirit, I revered Him, loved Him and I had some meekness to be grateful for the gift of salvation, and once upon a contemplation; He overshadowed my senses and I felt Him grieve over my hurt. I also know He wept that it hurt me so. On that certain day, I was lying down on the floor, my heart hurt like it was on fire and I felt Him, I felt Him comfort me..His love became sure and it was established in my heart.

Psalms 56:8

You have kept count of my tossing and put my tears in Your bottle-are they not in Thy book?

I read that word in the sequence of my stripping and I dug deeper into God’s heart. Christ cried to God when the hour of His death approached and it grieved our Father’s heart deeply that Jesus had to partake of that cup but He allowed it that we may be reconciled back to Him. When I now think of my salvation, I want to guard it with all my strength, Christ travailed for it with His own soul and we are the fruit. I can’t take that lightly!

In His love I started to believe and I started letting go of the tattered coverings, I believed Him and let Him strip me naked without throwing tantrums, wailing, grudging or even guarding. I was given to His will. If I be naked let me be..and naked I stood before Him and I surrendered, and I sang I new song. I asked Him to cover me, to clothe me with His beauty and splendor, to adorn me inwardly for my natural beauty is vain if I be uncomely on the inside. I sang and worshipped and I received my miracle.

Ezekiel 16:8

When I passed by you again and looked upon you, behold, you were at the age for love; and I spread my garment over you and covered your nakedness.

Ezekiel 16:13

Thus you were decked with gold and silver; and your raiment was of fine linen, and silk, and embroidered cloth.

we can light up the world!

After a really long time, I finally got around to blogging again. Every time I read Ann’s blog I feel refreshed and rejuvenated, Clemence’s blog gets me inspired to create beauty around me, now and then in my rounds on the internet I get a good meal of an article, some so savoury that I thank God after reading.

Last year was a very sweet and sour year for me. There was a time of constant pain that felt too much and a time heaven sang over me, lifted me up and placed me on a pillowy cloud. On those dark days, I hanged on to Mwende’s blog I looked forward to every post and I did feed and from her blog I linked up with Wambui of Wambui’s musings and here I fed some more, and those two blogs strengthened me through a dark season.

Now, it’s no surprise that I feel obliged to share ,to give , to muster the courage to believe in the light my Father has lit in me, to believe that Jesus has placed a cistern that flows of living water that can flow to others and heal them, to believe in Him that asks me to reach out and hold hands and form strong chords with other young women, to truly believe that His spirit can weave in these words and minister to someone.

“Self doubt has killed more dreams than failure” I recently read that quote somewhere. I know that self-doubt is self-sabotage and sometimes we doubt ourselves and doubt God’s ability to work through us, to minister healing to the whole lot in the body of Christ that are bent in pain and suffering, to speak grace and tell of His heart that aches to take under His wings the estranged and the lost
I have not a lot together, I know my imperfections and because of them I need grace everyday and it’s also because I am not perfect that I get to see His awesome power overshadow my frailties.

let’s light our candles!